Spam spam spam spam spam


Apologies for the Monty Python reference there.

Although there may be more.

Never can tell.

Entropy is defined as the descent of order into spam…or something like that.

Anyway, before I ramble on any more, I will get to the point, which is…

(What did I come in here for?)

Oh, yes.  Spam.  That dreaded filler of Inboxes, that waster of time, that general cause of wrinkled foreheads as we wonder ‘Why would a deposed Nigerian Prince have my email addy?’

Up until a month ago, I had patiently trawled Wordpress’s Askimet spam bin, cautiously sifting through the neatly-arranged missives, just in case a genuine comment or query had inadvertently been sidelined.  It wasn’t a problem.  With a daily count of around three…perhaps four spam emails, I could afford the few minutes that it took to check if any of my friends (or potential friends) had complimented my post, or queried my carefully-offered opinion and their precious words had accidentally been knocked into the ‘potential spam’ chute.

Chances were fifty-fifty that;

‘ I know this is off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? ‘ from ‘Heavy Weight Loss side effects’ was a genuine comment from a genuine blogger.

Or perhaps you’ve received this particular compliment;

‘I like this internet weblog pretty significantly so significantly excellent details. ‘ from Graphic Designer Website.

Should I take a chance on them?

Should I click ‘Approve’ and let them into that inner sanctum, that repository of comments and opinions that had already been sifted, filtered and pasted onto the bottom of my posts and pages?

And then, about five weeks ago, the Deluge struck.  Like an Indonesian tsunami it smashed against the Gates of Askimet, pounding the planking, straining the mighty hinges of those ancient (?) defences that protected this small huddle of innocent bloggers from the howling seas that comprised the Internet.

Spam burst over the tops of the gates, showering we poor few Bloggers of the Pressed Word with vitriol and temptation, sucking away our lives one second at a time.

Somehow we endured that first attack and maintained blogging speed, steadfastly sidelining the mounting waters of Spam that lapped around us.  But the game had changed for me – and it might have changed for you.  The waters of Spam rose quickly.  The steady drips that had leaked past the Gates of Askimet had grown into a stream, quickly widening into a rush.  Our careful baling was inadequate – we were in danger of being overwhelmed.  Delicate thimbles were discarded and we reached for large buckets and pails to counter the deluge.  Meanwhile the Gates of Askimet shuddered beneath the onslaught.

A change was upon us.  Like a zombie apocalypse, this new world changed me.  I had to adapt.  No longer could I consider the needs of the many if I was to survive.  The needs of the one were all I could consider – for now.  Spam was accumulating faster than I could filter it.  Something drastic had to be done.

Setting my jaw and solidifying my stance, I closed my eyes and selected the ‘Clear Spam’ option.

When I opened my eyes, I realised that I’d missed it completely (because I had my eyes closed…duh!), so I had to select it again – this time without the dramatic music, which had by now faded to a mournful aftermath.

As if I’d hurled an atomic grenade (they do exist, you know…they’re just very heavy) everything before me was obliterated.  I knew a brief moment of sorrow as I considered the random appeals for visitors to fashion blogs, foreign language dating sites and puppy dog picture blogs.

But I had to remain strong, steadfast, lest I became overwhelmed by the desperate voices of entropic internet users.  I knew that the world was different now, that the Gates of Askimet must prevail, but we also had to labour in order to protect that which was most precious - our writing time – and show no mercy to the Spam…

. . .

. .


So…that was my day.  What have you guys been up to?


Write on!

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